Updated: Oct 25
What is this overwhelming nervousness that pours over me as I begin to begin to show up. Really show up. It shakes my thoughts and rattles my calm as I go for what I really want for my business. It fills up my neck with tension, making me almost feel unable to talk or form a word or be present when I speak. Is it the soulful hunger to pioneer into the new, the new authenticity and nakedness that has not been maybe ever. Not my mother. Not my grandmother. Not my great-grandmother. Though they were steeped in craft and were gifted dressmakers and milliners, they did not shout it out. They worked quietly and hard and no one knew. Are the nerves I feel when I push my success envelope their nerves. Are they shaking and quaking in my thoughts because they too want to be seen. Do they want their stories told through their craft. “Tell you stories” Tell them hard and true. We are shaking in you because we are excited. We are excited to be free and known and you have your great grandmother’s strong pioneering spirit in you. It is in your work. It is in your company. As she held a shotgun to protect herself on the homesteaded property, you can hold your talent, knowing it will keep you safe and steady through any storm. That women took in an African American like a son. She was brave. Did she tell anyone? I have seen the picture and I know my mom and grandma and me all carry the torch of kindness and compassion that you wove into our souls. Can you be with me while I learn how to manage the hunger to be sovereign in my kindness, so it does not hurt me, but ripples more love into the world. Can it heal me while it heals others too? Can it be the both and kind of love. I am driven to show up more authentically because every cell in my body tells me I have to. I am shaking for all of us. I am walking into the fire of truth. If you can travel in a covered wagon from West Virginia to claim your land in Spokane, I can pioneer a new path for my ancestors. I can claim myself and homestead the me that is longing to be. I can homestead my sovereignty. I can welcome the success that I deserve and the friendships and the love and the nature and the fresh air and crystal clear waters. I can stand under the waterfall and let the cool water cleanse me and the me that carries you.